Bacon Salt - Make Anything taste like bacon!

Once upon a time in days gone by, our distant ancestors received divine knowledge by powers greater than themselves. This knowledge formed the foundations of religions and gave people rules which guided them in how they should live their lives. These rules were many, but people felt thay they should follow them to please a higher power.

"Don't steal", said the rules. This was deemed good advice.
"Don't diddle your neighbours wife", they were told. Everybody thought this seemed fair enough.
 "Don't diddle your neighbours donkey" - everybody looked at one shifty looking guy.
"Don't have sex outside of marriage" - People were a little disappointed, but for eternal life, they thought it seemed a fair trade.
Then came the stinger - "Don't eat bacon!". People dropped to their knees, shook their fists at the sky and yelled "NOOOooooo!!! What kind of God would do this?!!?"

Cheer up, everyone, because thousands of years later EVERYBODY can enjoy the taste of bacon thanks to J&D's Bacon Salt !

It's completely Kosher, vegetarian and zero calories, but does contain MSG, so if you're not a fan of the controversial substance that makes everything taste like heaven, but allegedly gives you cancer, headaches and athletes foot, then you might not be so tempted.

Having tried some, it does indeed taste like bacon. I've had a little shake of it on scrambled eggs, cheese on toast, chips and potato wedges. It gave all of these things a bacon flavour. Verdict: the stuff works. I've even made a bloody mary with a dash of bacon salt, and it was tasty. Do not, however, put this stuff on bacon. I've heard rumours that adding bacon salt to bacon could open a portal to the pork dimension (known as a 'porkal') and turn the fabric of space and time itself into cured meat.

Bacon Salt is available from a number of retailers online.

Seafood Laksa recipe - Easy coconut curry

I mentioned to someone at work that I needed to stock up on Laksa Paste. My colleague looked at me in horror. The problem is that it sounds like I was talking about ointment for my bunghole, when I was in fact talking about a key ingredient in Seafood Laksa, one of the tastiest recipes I know. Just like a lot of the recipes I post on here, it's easy, it takes very little time, and tastes like something you would expect to get in a fine Asian restaurant. It's good served in small bowls as a starter, but works best served as a hearty and warming main meal.

The hardest part of this recipe is getting some Laksa Paste. I have been relying on Penta brand laksa paste, and it looks like this:

It's available in the world foods section of Tesco, but they'll probably expect you to beep it through the checkout yourself, and that's just rude. They'll be getting you to get up at 4am to stock the shelves yourself before you know it. Try and get it from an independent shop or an Asian supermarket if you can.

Laksa curry is a Malaysian and Singaporean dish. It's a coconut curry soup full of seafood and noodles. It's a good dish to make if you are serving a table full of people without getting into a panic about timing everything right and having enough space in the oven or on the hob.

The soup is made by mixing a couple of tablespoons of Laksa paste with chicken stock and coconut milk in a pan and heating it up. Laksa paste contains chilli, but is still fairly mild, so at this stage you might choose to add some chillis (fresh are best, but chilli flakes are fine).

Cook some noodles. Any type will do, but vermicelli are the authentic noodles to use. Cook a selection of seafood in the soup (don't overcook the seafood), along with a few baby corn, a few beansprouts and water chestnuts. For the seafood, I like to use prawns, bits of squid, pieces of salmon, and a few scallops. If you can get fried tofu, use some of that. I've seen it for sale frozen in asian shops, as it's a pain in the arse to make.

Laksa curry. Notice the deep fried tofu bottom left

Grab the serving bowl, and in each one put some noodles, then share out the seafood. Then pour the soup over the top and garnish with a bit of coriander, a couple of slices or strips of cucumber and half a boiled egg. The egg seems like an odd choice, but just trust me on this one, the Malaysians know what they're doing with this stuff.

I don't like to get into specific recipes and measurements for recipes like this one where you can improvise with it depending on what you like or what you've got in the house, but below are a few detailed recipes to get you started

BBC Good Food Prawn Laksa recipe
Seafood Laksa recipe from Taste.com.au
video of the recipe from http://www.asiafoodrecipe.com

And click HERE for a Laksa blog!

If you don't like seafood, do the exact same recipe with bits of chicken, but cook the chicken thoroughly just before you throw it into the soup.

Enjoy your meal, or as the french say "Eeet theeez food, you peeg!"


Update 11/04/2012:
It seems that Tesco have stopped stocking Penta laksa paste, as have a number of online retailers. It is my brand of choice at the moment, as a couple of other ones I've tried have been too spicy. I like spicy food, but my wife doesn't, so the extremely mild heat of the Penta brand stuff works because I can cook for us both and then throw loads of chillies in my bowl. I found a plentiful supply when i visited a Hoo Hing Supermarket today.

If you have a favourite brand of Laksa paste, then please comment and let me know. I'm all up for trying new ones.

Chinese Spoon are best spoon!

In China, spoons are better. This is a fact, because I'm telling you it is.

Teaspoons are ok for putting sugar in tea. They're even quite endearing to eat pudding with, because it takes longer to eat pudding with a teaspoon, so you can take a normal portion of pudding and convince yourself that there is more pudding. Eating pudding with a tablespoon is a waste of time, if you ask me. Tablespoons are only really good for measuring, opening paint tins, or using as a wacky circus mirror that makes your face look all onion shaped like Andrew Loyd Webber.

Onion face

Now consider the soup spoon. It's for eating soup. That's why they call it a soup spoon. But it doesn't hold much soup, which is a major design flaw. Screw you, 'Not-much-soup-spoon', you are only good for preparing Heroin. This spoon ruins lives.

Look at this idiot. Too much spoon.

Now consider the Chinese spoon. It holds loads of soup. It's good for eating Asian dishes that have noodles or large chunks of fish or meat, but they work for any soup. I've checked and everything. I have many Chinese spoons, and not one has come with instructions telling me NOT to eat Heinz tomato soup with it. I've even risked it, and it's safe and FUN! The tall sides to the spoon mean that you can't stick it in your mouth, you have to slurp it, and slurping a load of soup is one of the greatest pleasures known to man.

Chinese Spoon Are Best Spoon!

BEST SPOON!