Chilli Sauce Recipe - Just like you get on Doner Kebabs!!

Here's a quick and easy chilli sauce recipe, perfect for splashing on kebabs. I had it with marinated chicken & veggies in a pitta bread and it was great. Fruity and refreshing but spicy, this should take you about 10 minutes. Try sticking it in a burger to give it a real kick.

I took a tin of tomatoes, a large white onion (sliced), 4 cloves of garlic, a splash of white wine vinegar, a big blob of ketchup, a couple of teaspoons of mint sauce and a handful of red chillis. It went into the blender until really fine, then into the fridge where it should save for a couple of days.

Told you it was quick and easy!



Chilli sauce! Behold it's ethereal glow!

I reckon that if you were to replace the mint sauce with horseradish, this would also work perfectly with seafood such as prawns.

Soft Shell Crabs - Ugly, but tasty.

I recently discovered the joys of cooking (and eating) soft shell crabs. Popular in Asia and America, they don't seem to enjoy the same popularity here in the UK. As far as I'm aware they can only be bought frozen in this country, but if you can find yourself a fishmonger or Asian supermarket that stocks them, you're in for a treat.

When a crab is getting too big for its shell, it does a crabby striptease and sheds the old one. Underneath is the new shell, but it's soft and takes a while to harden. When harvested in its soft shell, the crab can pretty much be eaten whole.  If working with fresh crabs, you need to take rip off its gills and 'bib' (blurgh!), and then cut its face off (retch!). An advantage of the frozen ones is that it has already been violently violated, and you can defrost it and get cooking. You eat the whole thing, including the shell and legs.

Uncooked crabs.
The one on the left is on his back, showing off to some prawns.

The simplest way to cook them is to just dip in a little seasoned flour and deep fry for a few minutes until they look crispy and brown. Put them in the frier on their back first so that they spread their arms and bask in the oil, if you put them legs first, they curl up an look sorry for themselves. They will spit because of all the water in there, so watch yourself!
You could also make (or buy a packet of) a tempura batter, or coat it in 'panko' breadcrumbs. I went for dipping the crabs in whisked eggs, and then in potato flour. This makes them go good and crispy.

He's ugly but delicious!

Soft shell crabs are good in a sandwich with mayonaise, cucumber and tomato. They also work really well with Asian food. I ate these badboys with egg fried rice and prawn toast, and some sweet chilli sauce for dipping.

Bacon Salt - Make Anything taste like bacon!

Once upon a time in days gone by, our distant ancestors received divine knowledge by powers greater than themselves. This knowledge formed the foundations of religions and gave people rules which guided them in how they should live their lives. These rules were many, but people felt thay they should follow them to please a higher power.

"Don't steal", said the rules. This was deemed good advice.
"Don't diddle your neighbours wife", they were told. Everybody thought this seemed fair enough.
 "Don't diddle your neighbours donkey" - everybody looked at one shifty looking guy.
"Don't have sex outside of marriage" - People were a little disappointed, but for eternal life, they thought it seemed a fair trade.
Then came the stinger - "Don't eat bacon!". People dropped to their knees, shook their fists at the sky and yelled "NOOOooooo!!! What kind of God would do this?!!?"

Cheer up, everyone, because thousands of years later EVERYBODY can enjoy the taste of bacon thanks to J&D's Bacon Salt !

It's completely Kosher, vegetarian and zero calories, but does contain MSG, so if you're not a fan of the controversial substance that makes everything taste like heaven, but allegedly gives you cancer, headaches and athletes foot, then you might not be so tempted.

Having tried some, it does indeed taste like bacon. I've had a little shake of it on scrambled eggs, cheese on toast, chips and potato wedges. It gave all of these things a bacon flavour. Verdict: the stuff works. I've even made a bloody mary with a dash of bacon salt, and it was tasty. Do not, however, put this stuff on bacon. I've heard rumours that adding bacon salt to bacon could open a portal to the pork dimension (known as a 'porkal') and turn the fabric of space and time itself into cured meat.

Bacon Salt is available from a number of retailers online.

Chip Shop Curry !!!

I have discovered something amazing! Goldfish brand Chinese Curry Sauce is available from a number of online retailers, and in supermarkets and Asian grocers. Just mix it with a bit of water in a pan, and you can pretty much throw any meat, fish or veg into it and it's tasty as hell with rice. It's savoury rather than spicy, and a little bit sweet.

..And here's the amazing part. IT'S CHIP SHOP CURRY!  Northerners rejoice! Get some chips (or wedges) cooked, and crack open a can of Dandelion and Burdock for that true Northern England chippy experience.

You need this in your life

Also, if you ever happen to see Japanese 'Katsu' curry sauce, that is also pretty similar to chip shop curry sauce. Food snobs would probably tell you otherwise, but as Gordon Ramsay says, "Fuck 'em".